Hope and Love – Finding Meaning in Suffering

Is there any meaning in suffering? Or is it all pointless and an occasion for nothing but anguish and despair?

One of the readings for Good Friday is from Isaiah ch. 52-53 about the "Suffering Servant," and there is this line "the Lord was pleased to crush him in infirmity." The Suffering Servant is one of the Old Testament messianic passages that foreshadow Jesus Christ, who by and through love took suffering upon Himself and, as we find on Easter Sunday, by that love transformed death to life.

On Good Friday a few years ago, the day of the Passion of Jesus, I spent much of the day at the hospital watching R as she slept, and I could not help but think -- Can anyone seriously deny that she has shared in the Passion of Jesus? More than merely "carrying a cross" of everyday hardship, she had been a suffering servant, crushed in infirmity.

She had, over the years, multiple broken bones merely from something as common as walking or getting up; knee replacements, hip replacements; kidney failure, poisoned by painkillers, necessitating a kidney transplant; a perforated bowel during a routine procedure; nausea and pain, pneumonia; an vicious attack of MSRA which ravaged her lungs; congestive heart failure; and on and on.  Too many hospitalizations to count; an entire drug store of medications to take every day.

All this suffering, anxiety and agony in the garden – although innocent of wrongdoing and undeserving of such suffering, being dragged before the (medical) authorities for examination, the scourging of her body, being made to carry a cross, stumbling and falling because of the heavy weight, now having her hands pierced with needles as if nails, her body fixed in the bed as if a cross, hanging there suffering and laboring to breathe, and then having her side pierced. Meanwhile, we who love her could do little but watch as she proceeded down her Via Dolorosa, and stand there at the foot of her cross.

This is not to suggest that R is Jesus, but it is abundantly clear that, in all these things, R shared in the Passion of Jesus. God had not abandoned her, even though, like Jesus, she had asked if He had, because she was where He is. And it was in her sharing in His passion, in His suffering, that she also shares in the love of His Redemption.

Perhaps there can be meaning in such awful, horrible, enormously unwanted suffering. Perhaps it need not be meaningless and pointless and emptiness. Perhaps it need not be despair and hopelessness. Perhaps we can find here the meaning of redemptive suffering, of accompanying Jesus, of going beyond even Simon the Cyrenian who was pressed into the service of carrying the Cross.

St. Paul said, "In my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ" (Col. 1:24). Again, can it be denied that this too speaks of R? In this redemptive suffering, in heroically enduring all of this with remarkable grace – all this pain, all these afflictions one after another after another after another – participating in the work of salvation by sharing in the undeserved suffering of Jesus, she was joined to Him far more that we are joined to Him by prayer.

True, it is not a "blessing" that anyone would really seek out, and is one that we would all rather God had taken away, we would all rather that she never have gone through that "hell" in the first place. But as difficult as it was to endure, and it was extremely difficult, being joined to Him nevertheless provided a measure of hope, rather than despair.  Suffering is inevitable in this world, but it need not be pointless and emptiness. We can find meaning, positive meaning -- the meaning of hope.

R survived that trial by fire, the latest in too many.  She should have died.  She very, very nearly did.  She should have been dead many times over by then.  She very nearly was.  But she survived.  Through much anguish, she endured.  She persevered.

Her lungs began to heal, new tissue grew.  She got out of that bed.  She walked.  She smiled, she laughed.  She rejoiced.  She was happy.

What saved her, what gave her the hope to go on was love.  Not the fairy-tale love of sunshine and happily-ever-after feelings, which come and go, but authentic love in all its manifestations, all of its ups and downs, all of its trials and tribulations.  As she demonstrated with her life, it is love which sustains us, love which heals us, love which saves us, love which gives us life.

It is only love and through love that we can have life, real life, the fullness of life.  By R’s faith, she understood that it is by the creative power of love that the universe was made.  And it was in the transformative power of love that fear was overcome and hope was found in the midst of hardship and suffering.  That is what sustained and healed her.

First, her own love, which among other things gave her a fierce determination to persevere, to keep on going through the worst hell imaginable, time and again.  The MSRA which savaged much of her lung tissue really did try to kick her ass, but she hung in there because her ass is mighty tough.  She is one tough mama.  This tiny little nearly 70-year-old woman is without a doubt the strongest person I know.  And she has given me one of the greatest life lessons I’ll ever learn.

Much of that strength was from her own loving spirit and stubborn will, but not all of it. She also had help to endure and fight.  Her body and doctors had help in healing that body, in comforting that mind.  And here is proof of the power of grace.  Grace, which is just another word for the healing power of love from the One who is Love, and also the power of prayer.

God’s love and our love.  Now, through her younger years, before the experience of Job fell upon her, R was not particularly super-religious, at least I did not think so.  But during the times of her afflictions, many times she would speak of feeling our prayers for her, gaining strength from them.  God, who is Love, would receive the love that we would each express in our prayers and in our actions, and He would multiply our love by His own, completely and perfectly, to give it all to her by His grace.

It doesn’t take a lot, just a spark, just an ember of love is enough.  Because of transformative and healing love, beyond the Passion, beyond our compassion of suffering with her rather than running away from it, there is new life.

Love passes through eternity, and it is love which gave her and gives us hope. It is love which sustains us, love which heals us, love which saves us, love which gives us life.

September 11 - Twenty Years Ago

Life as you know it can change in an instant. The world can change in an instant. A prime example is September 11. We woke up on that day in one world and we went to bed that night in another. The plans that we had made and the path that we had expected to follow, both as a nation and individually, came to an abrupt end that day, and we were thrown onto a different course.

 

The Lord has warned that such could happen, that such will likely happen to us in our lives. We often will not know the time or the hour of life-changing events or, most especially, life-ending events. And so, we must always be ready, always be prepared, and part of that preparation for the possibility of catastrophic change is not merely stocking up on those things that might be changed or lost in an instant, but by building our lives on rock, on things that last, the eternal things, that is, the Eternal One, rather than building on lives on sand, which are then washed away when the inevitable storm comes, such as the sands of temporal worldly things, worldly wealth, possessions, jobs, health, all of which will one day crumble and turn to dust.

 

With the Lord, in hope, we are already saved. With Him, all things are possible, including perseverance in the face of hardship, peace of heart and mind, love, and even the ability to forgive, rather than retaliate in self-corrosive hate, when that hardship and life-changing event are brought about by evil and wrongs against you.

Eternal and Merciful God, at times of tragedy our intellects seek understanding, our hearts seek healing, and our souls turn to You: our source of hope and solace. Heal our troubled nation as our nation turns its eyes to You and comfort those whose lives are changed forever: those who have perished, those who have lost family, friends or loved ones, and those who now live in the aftermath of these acts of terror. May God bless our national leadership, may God bless our servicemen and women, and may God bless America. Amen.

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, let thy protection be upon all those who are in the service of our country; guard them from all harm and danger of body and soul; sustain and comfort those at home, especially in their hours of loneliness, anxiety, and sorrow; prepare the dying for death and the living for your service; give success to our arms on land and sea and in the air; and grant unto us and all nations a speedy, just and lasting peace. Amen.

September 11, 2001. Many of us remember it as if it were yesterday. But also, for many, we experience our own personal September 11 in our personal lives when they are radically ended and our path forever changed by, for example, death of loved ones, illness and/or injury, job loss and inability to obtain other employment, or even the adverse consequences of our own sin and folly. But whether you are an entirely innocent victim or a sinner, the Lord is ready to protect us.

 

Written on Saturday, September 15, 2001: 

 

I drove by the Pentagon today. I decided to go by a condo I saw advertised that is nearby. Luckily, the damage appears to be quite localized to the crash site. I drove down the parkway along the river and then onto the highway that runs past the Pentagon.

 

As I approached, I saw the building, standing as firm and imposing as always. I curved around and the next side of the five-sided building was perfectly fine, but there in the parking lot were countless trucks and trailers. I could see some smoke and smelled food being cooked for the rescuers. There was a McDonald's sign atop one tent.

 

Then, I came around the bend and saw the unmistakable black markings along the exterior from the fire and smoke. Now I could see the crash site, the middle of the building that was rubble.

 

I turned off onto my exit and got on Arlington Ridge Road, on the heights above D.C. On the far east end, there is a hairpin turn and at that end there is a park, what used to be Fort Albany -- a place on the heights where cannon and other guns were placed to protect the city from attack in the Civil War. Here were many people, looking across the highway to the damaged side of the Pentagon. None of them said much of anything. Everyone just staring grimly at the collapsed middle. A few taking pictures.

 

As I said, thankfully, the damage was fairly localized, so I gazed around the city. Being on the heights, I could see a few miles to the spires of the National Cathedral. I could see about six miles in another direction to the dome of the National Shrine at my school Catholic University. The Washington Monument of course loomed over everything.

 

It was a beautiful day and a beautiful city. The one thing I could not see, try though I might, was the White House. Only two stories high, nestled in the trees, perhaps its lack of visibility saved it from being the place of destruction.

 

I had thought about going to a funeral mass for one of the victims this morning at St. Thomas More Cathedral here in Arlington, but my sleep was kind of restless last night and I woke up late. For the first time in the 12 years (so many!) that I've been here, I experienced a bit of personal apprehension for my safety.

 

I've always realized in the abstract that if we ever suffer a missile attack, all I'll ever know of it is a momentary bright flash and that's the last you'll hear of me, but it's never really concerned me. Never once during the Gulf War was I concerned. But late last night, as I was on the computer, I heard this very loud BANG! and then all the power went out. It was a very unusual sound, but last week I would have simply figured someone crashed into a electrical pole or a transformer blew, but this isn't last week. It was a sound I hadn't heard before and, although there is nothing in this neighborhood worth attacking, I was a little jumpy after that. Just to be safe, I reported it to the police. Just in case.

 

So, we all have to be a little more vigilant now that we are at war. A buddy of mine from high school is in the reserves and I expect he'll be one of those called to active duty. Over in the District, the national guard has been deployed. Many street corners have humvees sitting there with soldiers on the sidewalks. I'm glad to see them. Not for my benefit, because except for being startled last night, I'm not too concerned about me getting it, but I do expect further attacks on us.

 

This is war, not merely for some in uniform going to southeast Asia, but for all of us. We all have our part to do and sacrifices to make. It’s entirely possible that we will not be able to all be together this Thanksgiving. I expect we will have positioned our troops and have launched our campaign by then. If so, expect the airports to be shut down again. Even if we have not launched our attack by then, expect the planes to be grounded. Our enemy is perfectly aware that Thanksgiving is the busiest time of the year for air travel and would like nothing more than to kill some more of us.

 

If the planes are flying, as passengers, we'll need to stay alert during the flights and prevent that from happening. If hijacked, we need to emulate the heroes of the plane in Pennsylvania and retake the plane, no matter the cost. As for me, if I'm hijacked and we cannot regain control -- shoot us down. I'll not allow them to make a low-tech missile out of me.

 

At the same time, pray for true peace. Pray for my buddy as he gets activated and sent into battle. Pray for our enemy, that God grant them grace and wisdom to choose peace. Pray for us, that, as we destroy that enemy, that God grant us grace and strength to not hate those He commands us to love, that we kill not for vengeance, but to end the violence and the capacity and will of the enemy to make war on us, until the day we again may live in peace with these children of God.

_____________________ 

 

Added September 11, 2010: 

 

The morning of September 11, 2001, I was at the Arlington Courthouse, waiting for cases to be called in both circuit court and general district court. During a break, I popped down to the clerk's office for something and, while I was there, the phone rang and the clerk answered it. After a moment or two, he told us that a plane had just crashed into the Pentagon, which is about two miles or so to the south.

 

We thought that that was odd, to say the least. National Airport is almost right next to the Pentagon, but still, how could a plane crash into it?

 

I next went up to circuit court, where there was still a break, but the judge was on the bench talking to the clerks and bailiffs, saying that "this is war." Still not comprehending (not knowing anything about New York), I went down to general district court to see if my case down there could be called.

 

A few moments after I entered the courtroom, I saw sheriff's deputies running up to the bench, saying something to the judge. The judge then announced that all the cases were being cancelled and that an evacuation of the building had been ordered for safety reasons. (Apparently this was when there was a plane approaching D.C. (Flight 93). The deputies and police were also needed for mass mobilization to the Pentagon and throughout the area.)

 

Once outside, I talked to one of the prosecutors who said that he had seen a very low-flying plane over in the direction of the Pentagon.

 

As I got into my car to drive home, there was a report on the radio of an attack at the State Department, but that was later determined to be false. There was also talk about an attack on the World Trade Center and something about a collapse or possible collapse. In my mind at the time, I was thinking that they meant some of the facing had come off or something like that.

 

When I got home (about a mile away) and turned on the TV, I don't remember when it was that I first saw that the WTC building or buildings had collapsed entirely. I don't have any recollection of "Oh my God," but I must have had a response of that type. I was definitely stunned enough to not really remember my reaction, considering that I believed at the time that 25-30,000 people had just died, maybe even as high as 50,000 (thank-you Lord for the WTC personnel and firefighters who were able to evacuate the towers so efficiently).

 

After sitting in front of the TV for a few hours, I walked out of the house and went over to Lee Highway, which leads directly to the District. There were long lines of crowds of people walking down the sidewalk, they were federal government workers evacuating D.C. on foot because the Metro (subway) had stopped running.

 

In the days that followed, heavily armed military personnel began to populate many of the street corners. We were happy to see them.

 

See also Why I Believe, or, How I Know that God Exists .

Why I Believe, or, How I Know that God Exists

(Originally posted September 11, 2007)

I believe in Truth, in Reason, and in Love. I believe that there is truth, not only physical truth, but transcendent moral truth -– right and wrong, good and evil -– and that this morality is not relative, otherwise, it would not be truth. In a world without God, any evil thing is possible. But in a world with God, love and salvation and freedom are possible; life is possible.

Indeed, Christ has already saved the world in a very tangible way. He has redeemed the world. Without Christian love and forgiveness and reconciliation, the world would have destroyed itself long ago. One wrong would lead to retaliation, which would lead only to retaliation for that act, in never-ending cycles of wars of vengeance, on both a personal and national level. We only need to look at some non-Christian cultures in the world today to see that they differ from Christian values and morality.

Yet, although I believe, I am also a sinner. My sins are great and many, and I am greatly in need of a savior to pay my debts, to ransom me. Maybe others believe that they can live well without Christ, and that they can have eternal life without Him. Maybe they don’t need Him. But I do need Him. I do need, not only His forgiveness, but His grace –- the power to do things that I could never do or accomplish on my own, things like love and forgiveness and perseverance and peace of heart and hope.

If it were just me, I’d probably want to nuke the entire Muslim world as payback for the bastards that do things like fly planes into buildings and set off car bombs and suicide bombs, killing thousands of innocent people. But Christ commands me to love my enemies, and He gives me the grace to do the impossible -- to let go of hate, to let go of the thirst for vengeance. He gives me the grace to do things like love and forgive such people.

Yes, forgive. I forgive those who did this evil thing. He gives me the grace to be able, when we hopefully have peace, to live together with them as children of God. Left to myself, I would not want to accomplish any of these things, and I could not do any of these things myself. It is only because God does exist, that such things are possible. We do not have peace now, and because peace requires both sides to set aside their arms, it may still be necessary to implement the tragic tools of war, but we should do so, not out of hate and vengeance, but only in order to gain that peace.

So, pray for true peace. Pray for our enemy, that God grant them grace and wisdom to choose peace. Pray for us, that, as we must necessarily destroy that enemy to obtain the peace, that God grant us grace and strength to not hate those He commands us to love, that we kill not for vengeance, but to end the violence and the capacity and will of the enemy to make war on us, until the day we again may live in peace with these children of God.

Eternal and Merciful God, at times of tragedy our intellects seek understanding, our hearts seek healing, and our souls turn to You: our source of hope and solace. Heal our troubled nation as our nation turns its eyes to You and comfort those whose lives are changed forever: those who have perished, those who have lost family, friends or loved ones, and those who now live in the aftermath of these acts of terror. May God bless our national leadership, may God bless our servicemen and women, and may God bless America. Amen

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, let thy protection be upon all those who are in the service of our country; guard them from all harm and danger of body and soul; sustain and comfort those at home, especially in their hours of loneliness, anxiety, and sorrow; prepare the dying for death and the living for your service; give success to our arms on land and sea and in the air; and grant unto us and all nations a speedy, just and lasting peace. Amen.

When Life Begins, and Converting the Blind Pro-Choicer and Pro-Abortionist

"I respect those who believe life begins at the moment of conception. I don’t agree." -- Joe Biden

 

A person is neither forthright nor honest (if only with himself) when he states “we don’t know when life begins” and that “the only people who can say with absolute certainty when life begins do so as a matter of faith or belief, not as the inevitable result of a logical process.” 

 

Such statements are patently false. As a purely scientific matter, we know what “life” is. It has a specific scientific definition. And we know what a human is. Again, it has a scientific definition. And we know what an individual being is. Yet again, by scientific definition.

 

It is amazing that, in this scientific age, where we have all sorts of answers for all sorts of scientific/biological questions, some continue to insist that science cannot answer the question of the beginning of life. The fact is, science can answer it, science has answered it, and it is only because some do not want to hear the answer that they insist that this is some unknowable and unanswerable question. Were it not for the politics, which have become a quasi-religious belief on the part of pro-abortionists, then it would be acknowledged by all that, as a matter of scientific fact, the life of an individual human being begins at conception, that is, when a living human sperm unites with a living human ovum. Now, “life” per se does not begin at conception —- rather, science tells us that it began millions of years ago and is a continuum, but an individual life does begin at conception, not at some unknown and unknowable and magical point later on.

 

It is not a matter of opinion, it is not a matter of wishful thinking, it is not a matter of faith that the entity existing at the time a human sperm penetrates a human ovum is itself (a) human, that is, genetically a member of the species homo sapiens, (b) animate and living, with continued growth, and (c) distinct from either the woman who contributed the ovum or from the man who contributed the sperm cell. In short, a human being, however nascent. This is true whether that human being is floating along the fallopian tube or hitching him- or herself onto the uterine wall or sitting in an IVF petri dish or frozen in liquid nitrogen or about to be harvested by stem-cell ghouls. The abortion industry and lobby knows this. The abortion lawyers know this. The "emergency contraception" pushers know this. The embryonic stem cell scammers know this. The United States Supreme Court knows this. The abortionist sucking that human life into a jar or jamming a pair of scissors into his or her skull before ripping him or her from the womb knows this. It is simple, basic scientific fact.

 

A human being does not begin as something other than human, and only later convert or change into a human state. It is and always has been human. Life does not begin magically during the prenatal period. Indeed, it does not even begin at conception. "Life," as life, is, as stated above, a continuum which began millions of years ago. Yet so many abortion advocates argue with a straight face that we don't know and can never know "when life begins" or that an entity is not fully "human" if it is not "viable" (however they decide to define "viability" today or next week or next year). They would apparently have you believe in the spontaneous generation of life, that matter goes from inanimate to animate in some unknowable, mysterious fashion. Absurd? Of course. It is also the law of the land under Roe v. Wade and Planned Parenthood of S.E. Pa. v. Casey.

 

As a matter of scientific fact, the last case of spontaneous generation of life from inanimate matter happened millions of years ago. Since then, life has been a continuum. “Life” does not spontaneously begin ex nihilo. It is only because the entity within the womb is alive at the moment of sperm-ovum union that it begins the process of cellular division and reproduction and taking in nourishment and giving off waste and developing more recognizable organs and features, growing and growing and growing for the next 70-80 years.

 

Now that, is fact. Scientific fact. And it is neither forthright nor honest (nor helpful to the cause) to suggest otherwise.

 

* * *

 

Now, it is at this point (and only at this point from a strategic point of view) in the pro-life struggle that the Church and the Faith come into play. Until this point, the issue is one entirely grounded in scientific fact and reason. Religion only clouds the issue until this point.

 

But there are limits to science, and science has reached that limit when it comes to the guilt for the blood of over 60 million dead. To a large extent, the other side does not and will not admit to the humanity of the unborn because to do so would be to implicitly admit that they are complicit in the murder of so many innocents. That is too horrible a prospect for them to consider, so they continue to go down the Denial River, because there truly is nothing, absolutely nothing, on this earth that can wash away that blood on their hands.

 

But there is something, or rather Someone, not of this earth, who can wash away that blood. So, this is where the Church comes in, and only at this point. Instead of the delusional and ineffective tactic of arguing the human personhood of the unborn, which was proved long ago, the Church needs to return to Her mission of offering reconciliation with God, of preaching the possibility of redemption for even sins that are so great as the murder of 50 million innocents, which makes Herod the Great pale in comparison. Only in this way, can the blood be washed off the hands of all those complicit in their deaths. And that possibility of redemption, in turn, leads to the greater likelihood of them openly admitting the human personhood of the unborn.

 

* * *

 

In addition to the above facts, there is another indisputable fact -- this war will not be won by pro-lifers. Again, the war against the Culture of Death will not be won by pro-lifers. It cannot be, there are not enough of us.

 

Oh, it will be won -- eventually -- for the pro-life side, we will see a Culture of Life, but that victory will not be brought about by pro-lifers. Or, rather, it will not be brought about by today's pro-lifers. Instead, it will be won by today's pro-choicers and pro-abortionists . . . for the pro-life cause. It will be won by today's pro-choicers and pro-abortionists becoming tomorrow's pro-lifers. It will be won by them demanding the end of abortion, and other instrumentalities of death, in outrage that they were lied to for so long.

 

This is the only way the war can be won. There are not enough of today's pro-lifers to do the job. At most, we could win some judicial or legislative battles and force pro-life laws down the throats of everyone else. But that victory would last only until the next election cycle. No, we can achieve permanent victory only by converting the hearts of the enemy. We -- pro-lifers -- cannot win this war, only today's pro-choicers and pro-abortionists can win it, but win it for the pro-life cause.

 

But they will not be converted, their hearts will not be softened, their intellects will not be enlightened, they will not become tomorrow's pro-lifers so long as they believe that there is no possibility of redemption for the blood on their own hands. One day, they will rise up in anger and outrage at the lies that they were told and they will defeat that lie, but they know now that they have willingly bought into that lie, that they have advanced it. They know in their hearts, as explained above, that it is a lie. They know that they are complicit.

 

But if they can be redeemed, if their being sadistic monsters can be forgiven, then they can risk being honest to themselves, they can admit to themselves and others, "yes, the entity in the womb is a living human being." Their hearts will have been softened, their lives and perspectives will have been turned around, i.e. converted. And that will be the beginning of the end of the Culture of Death. .

"Rise, let us leave this place"

From an ancient homily for Holy Saturday

Something strange is happening – there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence because the King is asleep. The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. God has died in the flesh and hell trembles with fear.

He has gone to search for our first parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring to visit those who live in darkness and in the shadow of death, he has gone to free from sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he who is both God and the son of Eve. The Lord approached them bearing the Cross, the weapon that had won him the victory.

At the sight of him, Adam, the first man he had created, struck his breast in terror and cried out to everyone: “My Lord be with you all.”

Christ answered him: “And with your spirit.” He took him by the hand and raised him up, saying: “Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

"I am your God, who for your sake have become your son. Out of love for you and for your descendants I now by my own authority command all who are held in bondage to come forth, all who are in darkness to be enlightened, all who are sleeping to arise. I order you, O sleeper, to awake. I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell. Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of my hands, you who were created in my image. Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in me and I am in you; together we form only one person and we cannot be separated.

"For your sake I, your God, became your son; I, the Lord, took the form of a slave; I, whose home is above the heavens, descended to the earth and beneath the earth. For your sake, for the sake of man, I became like a man without help, free among the dead. For the sake of you, who left a garden, I was betrayed in a garden, and I was crucified in a garden.

"See on my face the spittle I received in order to restore to you the life I once breathed into you. See there the marks of the blows I received in order to refashion your warped nature in my image. On my back see the marks of the scourging I endured to remove the burden of sin that weighs upon your back. See my hands, nailed firmly to a tree, for you who once wickedly stretched out your hand to a tree.

"I slept on the cross and a sword pierced my side for you who slept in paradise and brought forth Eve from your side. My side has healed the pain in yours. My sleep will rouse you from your sleep in hell. The sword that pierced me has sheathed the sword that was turned against you.

"Rise, let us leave this place. The enemy led you out of the earthly paradise. I will not restore you to that paradise, but I will enthrone you in heaven. I forbade you the tree that was only a symbol of life, but see, I who am life itself am now one with you. I appointed cherubim to guard you as slaves are guarded, but now I make them worship you as God.

"The throne formed by cherubim awaits you, its bearers swift and eager. The bridal chamber is adorned, the banquet is ready, the eternal dwelling places are prepared, the treasure houses of all good things lie open. The kingdom of heaven has been prepared for you from all eternity."

Judas and the Killing of God

A commenter says, "It is impossible to come up with a worse sin than the one Judas commits. Killing God. There is nothing worse."

In reading the Passion account from the Gospel in the Good Friday liturgy in Catholic churches, often instead of just one person reading it, many people take various parts. One part that the faithful in the pews take is to yell out, "Crucify him, crucify him!"

The fact is that we all betray the Lord, we all call for his death, we all hammer the nails into his hands and feet. How? By the sins we commit, that is, by what we think and do and fail to think and do that separates us from God. It is only because of our own infidelities and transgressions that Jesus is on the Cross in the first place. We are all Judas -- and the whole reason the Lord became man was to save people like Judas.

Yes, there ARE worse sins than betraying the Lord and killing God. There are far worse sins. After all, even killing God in the flesh can be forgiven.

What can possibly be worse?? The worse sin, the ONLY "unforgivable" sin is what Judas did afterward. And what was that? Despite his feelings of guilt, Judas did not turn back to the Lord. He did not seek reconciliation, the prodigal son never came home. By not seeking the forgiveness that was there waiting for him, by not opening up his heart to God's mercy, by continuing to turn his back on God by instead hanging himself, Judas could not be forgiven.

It was the gift never opened. It was the delivery returned to sender. He was impervious to redemption. THAT is the greatest sin. And, sadly, it too is a sin that others commit.

Reflection on Betrayal and Denial, Repentance and Non-Repentance

The Mass readings for Holy Week set the stage for the Paschal Triduum as the holy anointing of Jesus by Mary of Bethany is set in contrast to his betrayal and denial.

Judas shared a table with Jesus, accepted his hospitality, but is duplicitous (see Psalms 41, 55). Even the act of handing Jesus over to the soldiers is done with a kiss of friendship. But although he knew of Judas’ duplicity, Jesus still welcomed him at table and even got down on his knees to wash his feet.

Jesus does not judge or condemn Judas. Judas asks, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” and Jesus responds, “You have said so.” Jesus is not judgmental. In the mystery of Jesus’ human living in time and his divinity in eternity, he gives Judas the opportunity to alter his course, to change his mind. The Lord gives him an out.

Why did Judas do it? Was it because he had lost faith in Jesus, because he falsely believed that Jesus would be a military revolutionary and was not? Perhaps he did have that false belief of what a messiah should be -- but didn't Judas see the works Jesus performed? Didn't he just see Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead?? Surely that would have disabused him of the whole revolutionary thing?

Was it malice born of some other reason? To knowingly destroy Jesus? Or was it foolishness? Did he not fully realize what he was doing and merely thought that he would force an answer to the Messiah question?

In any event, whether it is malicious pride or foolish pride, Judas thought he knew better than Jesus. He wanted to do things his way. But then, so did many of the other Apostles. And so do we, we think we know better than God. Certainly Simon Peter did at times. At the arrest, he pulls out his sword. And afterward, he is afraid to trust in the Lord, to simply put his life in God’s hands and instead seeks to save his life by denying God.

Reliving and participating in this drama, we encounter the reality of our human condition, and the reality of God meeting infidelity and sin with love. In each case, Peter and Judas, the Lord is willing to forgive. For us too, there is no sin so great that God will not forgive, will not welcome the opportunity to embrace the wayward child that comes home and to repair the severed relationship. As Isaiah the Prophet tells us, our sins, though they be like scarlet, shall be made white as snow by his divine love (Isaiah 1:18). Even mass murder.

Peter and Judas both feel enormous guilt at what they have done. But while Peter subsequently repents and seeks forgiveness, Judas does not, despite his regret. The repentant denier obtains eternal life, while the unrepentant betrayer takes his life.

“Woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born,” said Jesus.

And that is the real tragedy, the real and greatest sin – failing to repent, to convert and turn back from the darkness and seek the light. All of us at times are Peter, all of us at times are Judas. It is important not to sin in the first place, to act against the love and truth that is God and thereby separate ourselves from Him who is live itself. Having done so in our human weakness, however, the most important thing is to turn back to the Lord of life and repent and seek reconciliation. Because in failing to do so, in failing to seek forgiveness, whether out of despair or whatever, we commit the greatest sin which Jesus says is “unforgiveable.” It is unforgiveable because the person never opens himself up to God’s mercy and it is like the gift that is never opened and, thus, never received.

Judas goes his own way. He thinks he knows better than the Lord Jesus in handing him over. And even worse for him, he goes his own way when Jesus is condemned. Despite his feelings of guilt, he never turns back to the Lord and, thus, meets his end. Instead of seeking and getting forgiveness, like Peter did, he still keeps apart from the Lord and hangs himself.

The Lord teaches us that though we may sin against him and may deny him, he will remain faithful to us, and to be forgiven we need only repent as Peter did. And in that ultimate judgment after we die and stand before him, as with Judas, we mostly condemn ourselves by how we have lived our lives, with Christ the Judge simply acknowledging the truth. In our lives today, there is still time to return to the Lord.

Living Jesus' Fasting in the Desert and His Passion

With the public celebration of Mass suspended during this time of the coronavirus public health crisis, how else might we and our families keep the mysteries of Holy Week and joy of Easter alive given these social distancing restrictions and the call by public leaders that we stay at home as much as possible?

Well, our Lenten journey is meant to draw us closer to the Lord in a special way as we approach Holy Week and the Easter Triduum. This year is no exception. While this Holy Week we are unable to come together to celebrate Mass, still this time has offered us a couple of particular ways to join with Jesus precisely in that pain and distress we feel. It is the Gospel of redemptive sacrifice.

At the beginning of Lent, we fasted and recalled how before He began His ministry, He went out into the desert for 40 days, fasting and praying in that emptiness of the wilderness. This recalls too how the Israelites had wandered in the wilderness for 40 years until that blessed day that they crossed the Jordan into the Promised Land. At the end of Lent on Good Friday, we again fast as we meditate upon the suffering and crucifixion of our Lord, followed by the still emptiness in the world as His dead body lies in the tomb on Holy Saturday.

This year, we have not only remembered Jesus’ 40 days in the desert and the Passion, we have in a sense lived them with a fast far greater than going without a meal or two. As we endured with Christ His deprivation in the wilderness – His “quarantine,” for that word is derived from the Latin meaning “forty” – so too this Holy Week, perhaps we might join our sufferings to those of Jesus in His Passion: taking upon ourselves the feeling of being abandoned as the Apostles ran away, taking upon ourselves this Cross of social distancing imposed on us like Simon the Cyrenian, feeling the agony of the nails and thorns that Jesus endured and are now being experienced by those afflicted by this horrible disease, and thirsting on the Cross.

In this way, by offering up our miseries to the Lord, in giving to Him our suffering as we take upon ourselves His suffering in our very own personal lives, even from our homes, this Holy Week takes on a whole new meaning – by joining with Him, we participate in the work of salvation.

“Every man has his own share in the Redemption,” wrote St. John Paul II. “In bringing about the Redemption through suffering, Christ has also raised human suffering to the level of the Redemption. Thus each man, in his suffering, can also become a sharer in the redemptive suffering of Christ” (Salvifici Doloris, 19). Indeed, St. Paul rejoiced in his own sufferings, saying, “In my flesh, I complete what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ for the sake of His body, which is the Church” (Colossians. 1:24).

These past weeks have been a trial and tribulation for the Christian faithful and the whole world unlike any we have experienced in our memory. It is the fervent hope and prayer of us all that we can return to our lives and jobs and the public celebration of the liturgy as quickly as possible. But this much we can be certain about – the Easter of our personal and social life will come. It might not coincide precisely with the calendar this year, but dawn will break. A new day in the rising of the glorious Son in the world cannot be denied.

We who have walked in darkness will see a great light; and we are children of that light (Isaiah 9:1; Ephesians 5:8).

Trading in Human Bodies and Lives

Over in the District of Columbia, there is a proposal to legalize prostitution there.  If enacted, such a law would facilitate grievous and lasting harm to those involved in the practice, cause injury to our neighborhoods where the public nuisance of the sex trade would be plied and to the greater community as the District becomes a hub for sex tourism, and legalization would also contribute to destructive and discriminatory attitudes that view other people as mere sexual objects.

Believing that each of us possesses an inherent dignity as human persons entitled to respect as created in the image of God, it is part of our Christian mission to defend and promote human rights and dignity against all forms of exploitation, manipulation and domination. This includes prostitution, which treats the person as chattel, reducing her to a plaything, an article of commerce to be bought in the marketplace, sexually invaded and used for another’s base gratification, and then discarded when one is done with her.

The trading in sex is objectively and inherently contrary to the dignity and truth of the nature of the human person, as well as the truth of the sex act itself.  It advances the lie that sex is for personal satisfaction alone, and instead of a positive sexuality that is authentically human, it fosters a negative sexuality that is utilitarian and mechanistic.  Such trafficking in human flesh is rightly seen as a species of slavery, even when there is no owner (pimp) and when it is asserted to be consensual.  It is inherently exploitive of the customer as well, inasmuch as he objectifies himself and dehumanizes sexuality by reducing it to a commodity.

On the specific matter before the District Council, Catholic teaching is clear – the commercialization of sex is an infamy that insults human dignity, harms all those who engage in it, and poisons human society.[1]  And far from condemning those women and men, girls and boys who are prostituted, they should rightly be seen as victims themselves of injustice, exploitation, duress and/or desperate circumstance that might lead some to turn to prostitution in order to obtain money to survive.  We should be protecting and helping them with services, not enabling their continued exploitation and degradation.

These are principles Catholic social teaching, yet they are not exclusively religious principles.  As Pope John Paul II noted, treating prostitution as a business or industry which necessarily trades in human bodies is “an affront to fundamental values which are shared by all cultures and peoples, values rooted in the very nature of the human person. . . In particular, the sexual exploitation of women and children is a particularly repugnant aspect of this trade, and must be recognized as an intrinsic violation of human dignity and rights.”[2]

Protecting against the inherent harm that results from the sexual objectification of prostituted persons, as if they are commodities in the marketplace, as well as feeding the culture of exploitation of women, girls and other vulnerable persons who are marginalized – these are not uniquely “Christian issues.”  They are human issues. They are fundamental, universally recognized human realities, as exemplified by the many people and groups that often differ with the Church, but on this matter are in agreement in recognizing grave evil of legalization of the sex trade.

Far from an act of empowerment, survivors of this injustice will tell you that legitimizing in law the use of people sexually for profit will only perpetuate a system of domination where there is no real freedom of choice.  Overwhelmingly, the persons who are prostituted are not engaging in it because they truly want to.  Vulnerable and defenseless, they are either desperate for money or they have been coerced or manipulated, or are otherwise in crisis situations.[3]  And the sex trade only makes things worse, with studies showing that over two-thirds suffering post-traumatic stress disorder[4] or other psychological harm, and many of them turning to substance abuse to numb themselves.

Commercialized sex is not a “job” or “work” where there is mutuality between employer and employee.  It is a system of inequality and dehumanizing working conditions where “managers,” i.e. pimps, and “customers” have power over another to demand intimate sexual conquest and performance – often a dozen or more sexual acts a day – and the prostituted person is daily subjected to a hostile workplace where sexual harassment and discrimination are the norm.

Moreover, as is often seen, the law is a teacher.  Many people simply conclude that what is legal is right.  If we normalize the sex trade through legalization, what does that say to our culture and young people? Former President Jimmy Carter put it quite well in 2016 when he said, “Normalizing the act of buying sex also debases men by assuming that they are entitled to access women’s bodies for sexual gratification. If paying for sex is normalized, then every young boy will learn that women and girls are commodities to be bought and sold.”[5]   With legalization, the practice of human exploitation through the selling of bodies for pleasure will also increase because people who do not buy sex now because it is illegal will become new clients. 

What we rightly condemn in the office, classroom, the #MeToo movement, and in the District’s own human rights policies – not to mention the evil of the bodies of women of color being sold for the enjoyment of others 160 years ago here in the District – Bill 23-0318 endorses.  Furthermore, with legalization, probable cause would no longer be a tool for law enforcement, making it much harder to combat violent trafficking and sex slavery, not easier.  It is shocking that this proposal would even be considered.

Legalization is not the solution to the grave injustices, degradations of human dignity, and the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual harm experienced by persons who are prostituted. These victims deserve better than a callous empowerment of those who exploit and use them.

---

[1] Gaudium et Spes, 27, the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Second Vatican Council (1965); see also Catechism of the Catholic Church 2355.

[2] Letter to the International Conference “Twenty-First Century Slavery - The Human Rights Dimension to Trafficking in Human Beings” (May 15, 2002).

[3] Astonishingly, one open letter states in support of Bill 23-0318 states that “around 20 percent of trans people have engaged in sex work in their life, and this number increases to nearly 40 percent for Black trans people.” Joint Letter to the Council of the District of Columbia, etc., published at https://www.hrw.org/news/2019/07/02/joint-letter-council-district-columbia-regarding-supporting-b23-0318-community. This is not cause to legalize prostitution.  On the contrary, it is a sign of a population in crisis that is in need of humane and compassionate assistance.

[4] Farley, Melissa et al. (2003). “Prostitution and Trafficking in Nine Countries: An Update on Violence and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.” Journal of Trauma Practice, Vol. 2, No. 3/4: 33-74; and Farley, Melissa. ed. (2003). Prostitution, Trafficking, and Traumatic Stress. Haworth Press, New York.

[5] Jimmy Carter, “To Curb Prostitution, Punish Those Who Buy Sex Rather Than Those Who Sell It,” Washington Post (May 31, 2016).

At the School of Bernadette

With the end of summer, young people are returning to the classroom for another year of learning.  A quality education is essential for a good, happy and productive life, and, of course, our schools play a crucial role in this.  But it is only one role among many.

While schoolteachers have a certain expertise in academic subjects, it is actually parents who have – or are supposed to have – primary responsibility for the education of their children.  This means more than making sure that kids do their homework.  It means teaching them many critical life lessons that are needed in the formation of the person, including virtue, caring for one another, and fostering a love of learning to develop their intellectual, moral and physical gifts.  Brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins have a role to play as well. Thus, the family is recognized as the first “school” for children.

Likewise, just as schools play only one part in education, so are the traditional school subjects only one component of needed learning.  Math, reading, writing, history, the arts, economics, science, technology and vocational skills are all very useful for a well-rounded life – and are essential in obtaining a job to support yourself and your family, and in doing routine things like spending money wisely.  And they can lead to one having a big house, fancy car, fame and fortune.  But they are not really the key to a successful life.

We often think of success in material terms.  But making money is not the measure of success. Even if we have all the riches of the world, there will still be something missing, and it profits a man or a woman nothing to gain the whole world, if his or her soul is not saved (Matthew 16:26).

Even more important than material things in happiness and being a true success is becoming closer to the transcendent reality that is God.  Sadly, studies show that many, many people – even many who go to church every week – do not know or otherwise understand some fundamentals of the faith.

For example, many people do not know that the Eucharist is, in truth, the real presence of Jesus.  This Blessed Sacrament is not just a symbol, but is in some mysterious way the actual Body and Blood of Christ.  Every Sunday, there are also many people who do not receive Holy Communion because they have not been instructed or are otherwise prepared in the faith.

It is imperative then for parents to see that their children learn these lessons about being close to God – and that they grow in learning themselves.  This can be done many ways, such as family prayer, reading the Bible, lessons from catechisms, and learning from the saints.  In these ways, we learn to grow in holiness and be saints ourselves.  In particular, “we are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves,” Pope Francis has said, and “let everything be open to God; turn to him in every situation” (Gaudete et Exsultate, 14, 15).

This was certainly the way of Saint Bernadette and we have much to learn from her.  “I shall spend every moment loving. One who loves does not notice her trials; or perhaps more accurately, she is able to love them,” she teaches us.

Above all else, Bernadette saw the value of humbly joining her life to the life of the Lord, and the wisdom she imparted to her little sister who had a young daughter is a lesson for all parents: “You understand the care that you must take in bringing up this dear child.  Teach her to know and love the good Lord and the Most Holy Virgin as soon as possible, to respect you and to abhor evil; by doing this, you will fulfill your responsibilities as parents,” Bernadette wrote. “Yes, children, love God well during this life.  This is the greatest source of happiness on this earth and the only thing that will make us eternally happy in heaven.”

As vitally important as reading, writing, math and other academic subjects are, a life of faith, purity, love and truth is even more important in the greater scheme of things.  In striving after these, Jesus gives Himself to us to dwell in our hearts.  And there is no greater success in life than that.

After all, Bernadette recognized, “Where can you find a friend like Jesus?  He knows how to sympathize with us and how to soothe our pain at the same time.  Jesus, and Jesus alone, can do that.  Let us love him and cling to him with all our hearts.”

A Question of Faith

Lourdes is the place where young Bernadette Soubirous said that our Blessed Mother appeared to her on 18 separate occasions.  Did Mary really appear to her – and did the Virgin of Guadalupe appear to Juan Diego centuries earlier?  Or is there some other explanation?  Ultimately, it's a question of faith.

After spending a week in Lourdes and praying each day at the Grotto, my mother and I traveled to Nevers, France, where Bernadette spent the rest of her life as a Sister of Charity.  Partway on our three-leg journey though, as my mother was exiting a train outside the city of Tours, she fell and smashed her head on the pavement, causing a bleeding bump on her head the size of a golf ball and pain along her face.

In addition to our concern of a serious injury, neither of us knew the area and we had great difficulty communicating with the emergency responders and with the staff of the hospital where she was taken for examination because neither of us speak French and they didn’t speak our own language.  We were strangers in a strange land.  And we spent the next several hours anxiously wondering if she might have a brain bleed and have to stay at the hospital (or worse), where or even how I could find a hotel to spend the night, or how we were going to get back to the train station either to continue our trip or head straight to the airport and go home.   It was all very scary.

Thankfully in the end, my mother was not seriously hurt and, with the help of a French phrase book, we were able to get a taxi in time to catch the last train to Nevers.  We spent the next few days on retreat at the beautiful convent Espace Bernadette, where the saint lived and died and where her incorrupt body now lies in repose.

Were my mother and I just lucky?  Or was it something else?

The incident recalled my first time in Rome, when an older man in my tour group collapsed near the Vatican after a morning of walking up and down hills by the Forum and Colosseum.  They started working on him, but his color was really, really bad – his face was a mixture of deathly green and orange and purple.  The ambulance came and took him to the hospital, where he went into intensive care and the prognosis was poor.  With great concern in our hearts, but realizing there wasn’t anything the rest of us could do, we continued on.

As the group went to St. Peter’s Basilica, I left to go on a special tour of the scavi (excavations underneath the Basilica), which contain not only early Christian tombs from 2,000 years ago, but what is believed to be the grave of the fisherman Apostle himself directly beneath the main altar.  When we arrived at that place where some bone fragments of Peter are displayed, it was astounding. We were there in the very presence of the Apostle upon whom Jesus said He would build His Church, the Apostle to whom Jesus gave “the keys of the kingdom of heaven.”

Our seminarian guide led us in a quick prayer, and then asked if there was anyone to say a prayer for.  I mentioned the gentleman in my tour group, whose name I did not know and for all I knew was dead, given the condition in which I had last seen him. We said a prayer, asking Peter to intercede for him, and that was the end of the tour.

At the end of the week, as we were all gathered in the hotel courtyard and grimly wondered how the man was doing, suddenly he walked in – and he looked fantastic, the picture of health.  He was smiling and beaming with vibrant color, not the picture of death we had seen earlier.

Maybe the gentleman’s condition was never really all that critical. Perhaps my mother was never really in much danger and we just received a scare.  Those are perfectly reasonable explanations.

Or, maybe, just maybe, my mother’s situation was really very serious.  And maybe the man was, in fact, near death and probably should have died.  Maybe, just maybe, St. Bernadette and the Holy Virgin came to my mother’s side, and maybe the most Holy Peter interceded for the older man. And God, hearing their prayers, healed my mother and him.

The working of God is often explained away.  Maybe it was all just a coincidence.  Or maybe they were each touched by the hand of God.

I know what my mother and this man restored to health believe, and I know what I believe.  What do you believe?

It’s a question of faith. 

A Pilgrimage to Lourdes, Our Lady and Bernadette

The French town of Lourdes in the Pyrenees near the border with Spain is one of the most popular destinations in the world. Each year, six million visitors come from all corners of the world. Some come as tourists for a day or two to see what all the excitement is about. Others come in hopes of a physical cure of some illness or disability – there have been 69 cases that have been recognized as miraculous cures and thousands more cases of claimed miraculous physical healings. Then there are those, like me this month, who come merely as pilgrims seeking to spend some time being close to the mystery of holiness and, perhaps, find some measure of spiritual healing and peace.

Much of what draws me to Lourdes, of course, is the Grotto at that part of Lourdes known as Massabielle, where in 1858 the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to the young peasant girl Bernadette Soubirous, just as the Virgin of Guadalupe appeared to Juan Diego. What also attracts me is Bernadette herself. In fact, it might be said – all honor rightly given to Mary, the Mother of our Lord – that the real Message of Lourdes is Bernadette Soubirous herself, or more specifically, the simple faith and love of Bernadette.

Growing up, Bernadette was often sickly and physically weak due to severe asthma and other maladies, not to mention undernourishment due to poverty. Yet, one could say that the words of the Beatitudes rightly apply to her – “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God” (Mt. 5:8). Meanwhile, as she would write in her later years, “How blind man is when he refuses to open his heart to the light of faith!”

Bernadette lived in a time of ideological hostility to religion, including the constricted prejudices of intellectual elites who rejected religious faith as superstition and believed instead that “seeing is believing,” that if something could not be subjected to scientific measurement and testing, it did not exist. Bernadette, though, was no intellectual elite. Rather, for her, believing was seeing.

Because of her faith, her simple modest faith of the heart, an innocent and humble love for the Lord, the lowly Bernadette was able to see what others could not: She who is “our life, our sweetness, and our hope” – our Blessed Mother Mary. Innocence tends to allow one to see a higher truth. At Massabielle, Bernadette was able to see what others could not see. She was able to see what some others refused to see.

One problem that we have in this fallen world is that we have become infected with a disease – a disease that leads us to see ourselves and others with the world’s eyes – eyes that are false. We see superficial appearances, and not the truth of a person or thing. When we see with our eyes, our human and worldly eyes, we see a false reality, a false world, a false beauty. Our human eyes deceive us. We are often blind to true beauty, and other times we think that what is truly beautiful is abhorrent. In the resulting darkness, those who see in worldly ways are unable to perceive either truth or love – they struggle to find their way and are oblivious to the needs of others, especially those who are most vulnerable.

The fallen world consistently seeks to have you disbelieve and have doubts. The world whispers in your ear, imitating the voice of your subconscious, “God doesn’t exist. And if He does, He has abandoned you. He cannot be trusted. You can only trust yourself.”

However, not everyone is blind, not everyone is unable to see. The Virgin Mary was and is able to see, and Bernadette was able to see her. That is because Bernadette did not seek to see merely with the eyes of the head, that is, merely with worldly eyes. Because of her simple humble faith, she also saw with the heart, which in turn allowed her to see the truest beauty God has ever made.

That is why the lowly Bernadette, ignorant in the eyes of the learned, was much more wise than the intellectual elite of her time who were, for all their learning, ignorant. By their arrogant pride and hubris, by promoting extreme secular ideologies that have no need or want of God, these intellectuals had learned to be stupid.

If we too want to see truly, we must seek to emulate the lowly Bernadette, rather than the prideful. We must believe, we must want to believe, in truth. We must have faith in God, rather than faith in ourselves as “gods,” so that we might see with our hearts.

When we see with our hearts with eyes of faith, with our souls illuminated by the true Light, we are able to see reality as it truly is. We are able to truly see, and see God’s presence in the world and in the lives of others.

The Chapel of the Convent of Saint Gildard at Espace Bernadette in Nevers

The Infirmary Where Bernadette Worked and Suffered

Sister Marie Bernarde in Nevers

Visiting Espace Bernadette in Nevers -